Or, The 11 Types Of Men You’d Rather Not be In A Relationship With & Why!
We, women regularly underestimate ourselves, our talents and our looks. No wonder, this serious lack of self love and confidence, makes us fair game for toxic people, who would also like to endorse our low self esteem. You know, all the people listed below. However, there is always that little voice, whispering, suggesting, hinting that guy is not all that. That is probably the last voice you want to pay attention to, next to your well-meaning friends, mother, grandmother, all the nagging voices of reason. You will be well advised not to ignore these voices. Read on to find out why….
1. The Critic
Ever met someone who was critical of everything you did? I have and so have you. From the hair to weight to that mole on my nose, nothing is right .for them! If you have a healthy appreciation for your own self, you will be quick to shut out this person and their negative influence from your life. Interestingly enough, a lot of our chachis, mamis, dadis, the female influencers in our desi set up, seem to reflect this “over critical” persona. H’mmm, I wonder where do our boys get this from?
At the end of the day, you need someone who supports you and your dreams, not tears you down. Find a way to tell him how his constant criticism is not ok. Even better show him, the surest way for him to influence you is through compliments!!
2. The Blocked No.
Tall, dark and handsome? Perhaps shady?
He calls from blocked numbers, at odd days and hours, disappears for days, suddenly appears only to disappear again! That very dark, handsome and mysterious stranger, may be making your heart and imagination do more summersaults than your favorite gymnast in the Tokyo Olympics. But, he maybe hiding a not so appealing mystery – a wife and a few kids somewhere? Make sure you investigate this Mr. Not So Right because forewarned is forearmed!!
3. The Lost Credit Card
It is the 21st century and we women, have learned to open our own doors. But on a typical date like setting, married or single, we may have a preference for our men to open the door for us, take out that wallet and splurge on us. What if you are the one doing the splurging?
We know women who are paying for everything from that dinner in the restaurant on date nights to bills to his upkeep. Situations can vary but initially in a new relationship, this is a serious red flag and cannot be ignored unless you are ready to be a life long sole bread winner! I am sure with a little self love and self pampering, you will realize you deserve to be taken care of, or at least met halfway, and not the other way round!
Set limits and boundaries, including financial ones and see how he reacts!!
4. The Eternal Angry Young Man
You know someone who blows up at the slightest irritation, looks for a good fight at every opportunity and is always ready to burst into flames. Where is that lighter? As we know, life is a struggle, good or bad, but a struggle nevertheless. Even the world’s most seemingly fortunate people have bad days!
There is a possibility that your guy who is looking to pick a fight with anyone at every opportunity, may do that with you too! Don’t ignore or excuse away his temper tantrums!
Communicate your disappointment and see if you can influence him to control his displays of anger. Set emotional boundaries and let him know the anger tantrums are not okay with you.
But have this conversation in a safe and public place (phone?) as you never know how he will react!!
5. Mama, Chachi or Bhabi’s Boy
Some men maybe taken without being taken! They may already have a well established female influencer in their lives.
That other lady in your guy’s life may not allow a relationship with you, to ever take off!! Remember the bhabi in Ghissi pitti mohabat? More common than you think!
It may not be obvious at first and can take some serious sleuthing on your part to uncover, that this guy who is showering you with such attention, may already be in a serious relationship, with the most unlikely female influence in his life. It is just that he does not know it…yet!! Where is your detective hat?
6. Take, Take, Take
This may not be apparent at first. But if you give him time, he will surely let you know if he is a taker, a giver or believes in both give and take. More than him, it is your own self that will let you know if you feel drained or more energetic after being in his company.
A healthy relationship takes work and energy from both parties. If only one person is doing all the work to keep the relationship going, will it be sustainable in the long run? Sure, we have grown up hearing things like “Aurat kee Qurbani say hee ghar banta hai”. But the question, is he playing his part too? If not, can you sustain this for long? Think it through before making commitment.
7. Me, Me, Me
Men who only talk about themselves, are only concerned with their own ego gratification and have better hair and nails than you do, are not uncommon. If you are okay with their non stop narcissism, you may pull it off. But for how long? Maybe you can hold up a mirror every now and then to show them they are not all that. Bring down that oversized ego a notch.
More importantly, hold up that mirror to yourself and ask if you deserve someone less self centered and more caring? If not, can you show our Mr. full of himself how to focus on you, for a change?
8. The Competitor
Do you know couples who argue non stop? It is a fight to death or until someone wins that pathetic argument, whichever comes first. It is obviously a fight to prove one’s right. We all do this from time to time. But for some couples, every argument becomes life and death moment to prove one’s rightness and superiority. Both sides are at fault.
How a guy handles conflicts, which invariably arise, is a very important tell tale sign of your future relationship. If control issues abound in a relationship and everything becomes a tug of war, think carefully!
9. The Casanova
You are out on a lunch with your honey and have eyes only for him. He on the other hand, is sure to check out everyone. Perhaps we can ignore this. But he is happy to strike up conversations with random ladies. Maybe he just loves everyone? He is an over eager friendly person and means no harm. Where does this stop?
Only you can know if this is harmless flirting (is there such a thing?) or not. You have to trust your 6th sense and carefully process all this incoming info. The most important question to ask is, do you TRUST him? If the answer is no, just know that trust is the building block of a relationship. Need I say more?
10. Too Practical?
When we meet a stable, sturdy guy who has a solid job, checks off on the all boxes such as “shareef”, a good provider and not bad looking, we feel we have found the one. We maybe tempted to rush before someone else nabs our golden boy. Not so fast! We women like our romance too. If our knight in shinning armour is too practical and constantly talks about money, expenses, worries about future, retirement, kids, hold on!! Maybe he truly wants to build a life with you, hence he is planning ahead of time? Or he could have expectations that you too will partner in building a secure, stable future? Or he is a little too conservative in money matters? Maybe he needs a little nudge from you to stop worrying, stop being so practical all the time and show his more romantic side to you, by buying you a few flowers, now and then. Whichever the case maybe, you need to find out and have direct, one on one discussions with him.
You heard that right, have those serious discussions and find out if he is too practical or also a romantic, and can satisfy that “woman” in you who needs those flowers, along with a steady pay check.
11. Disrespect and Violence
A relationship goes through many challenges but a truly sustainable relationship allows for both partners to be human and if there is any mistake, for e.g. any form of disrespect, does allow for forgiveness. If disrespect takes the shape of frequent violence, walk away!!
A healthy relationship does not have room for ongoing, frequent domestic violence! Walk away, run, ask for help!
Trust Yourself
Finally you meet someone who is a dream come true. For God’s sake, there is not a single something wrong with this guy. He has a good steady job, treats you like a queen, is nice and kind to all and is as trustworthy as the postman. What’s wrong? It could be
- You are so used to drama, you cannot accept you have finally met someone who is drama free
- You think you don’t deserve him (a self esteem issue)
- Maybe your 6th sense is telling you something?
Only you can know if a relationship makes sense to you. No one else can.
To sum it up, my most sincere advice to you is, after reading all the above, go with your 6th sense. Open your eyes, listen to your gut, your intuition, and meditate. If you still cannot decide, have more conversations with your love interest. Process all incoming info and consult your near and dear ones who you trust. In the end, it is your life and only you can make the right decision for your self. But do consult and above all listen to yourself. Most importantly, develop a healthy sense of self esteem as in,
I AM WORTH IT AND DESERVE SOMEONE WHO I CAN TRUST, WHO LOVES ME, SUPPORTS ME AND MAKES ME FEEL SAFE AND SPECIAL!!
Disclaimer: If you are facing relationship problems, please seek professional advice from your therapist or mental health expert. This article merely serves as a guideline & not expert relationship advice.
