His social media handle reads – Warning – I will make jokes about your favourite cricketer. Not really a journalist if you ask real journalists – Dennis Cricket
Dennis Cricket – If you know about him, you either love him or … you don’t, depending upon which side of the border you belong to – India, or Pakistan. In fact, you will stop reading this if you’re an Indian, and if you’re still there, full marks to you, or perhaps you live under a rock, or perhaps his wit has you, or perhaps, you haven’t really caught on to him, in which case, carry on reading, but don’t say we didn’t warn you!
He’s crooning to his Twitter space listeners, guitar in hand, as I write this. He has the gift of the gab – when he’s not tweeting his very (un)popular opinion, he’s engaging with his followers on social media. He’s an Australian who loves Cricket, talks politics, music, and so much more.
He also has a knack for catching on to signature Pakistani traits. He sees us in all our ‘wholesome’ glory, he observes the finer details, and yet … he loves us! Second only to Jemima Khan, that’s raw talent right there – spotted! So naturally, we asked him to oblige us and give us his top 8 things undeniably Pakistani, and this is what he told us:
1. Pakistanis Are Always Late!
Ummm, okay. So that’s a national past time and we’re not too proud you caught on to it. If an event is at 10 am, we normally get out of bed around that time – lackadaisical much? Well, to put it plainly, we just assume that 10 am means 11, or maybe later? Not nice. And it’s time we do something about it folks, people are ahem…noticing!
2. The Behen & Bhai Phenomenon
‘Go on Shazia behen’, Dennis Cricket asked me, ‘ask away’. We love the way he slips into desi lingo and our penchant for sibling relationships bhai and behen – as in, Pakistanis make everyone their bhai or behen, unless of course, it’s a bhabi – no other relationship is more culturally appropriate, mind you! Dennis picked up on our national culture of brother & sisterhood that attempts to keep all relationships “respectable”.
Until of course, you have a crush on the bhai or behen, you might just want to drop the label, and fast!
3. Whoever Yells Louder, Wins The Discussion!
Oops, do you see yourself in this one? We guess Dennis has been watching some of those late-night political tabsaras or been witness to a live TV debate to have caught on to this very (silent) talent. Well, as they say, if you speak loud enough, you sometimes convince yourself you are in the right, but if you can only hear your own voice, you know there’s something not quite right?
We can’t argue with you there Dennis, many of us have done it, perhaps competing against the sound barrier is something we should reconsider or perhaps, that’s just the way we do things … we mean SAY things, as Pakistanis!
4. The Lahore VS Karachi Debate
Lahore Lahore Hai, but Karachi is the best! Yeah, ever had a face-off between a Karachiite & a Lahori? Dennis steps in to solve the debate. It’s not Lahore, it’s not Karachi, it’s Multan, Faisalabad, Peshawer, Pindi boys, (with a twinkle in his eye) and so much more that Pakistan has to offer. If only we didn’t get hung up on Karachi & Lahore – we have a rich array of cities to offer, if we could but see it. Dennis, as a person who visits from Australia, has made us realize that we need to appreciate all of Pakistan. So Karachi & Lahore lovers, listen up, you might think you’re the best, but … there is no best really, it’s all about taking in the diverse flavours throughout the country, speaking of which, we come to the topic of flavours.
5. East Or West, Biryani Is The Best?
Naaah, says our Australian friend. Biryani is the most overrated dish in the universe. It is glorified rice. I see your forehead creasing up on this one. And then, you add potatoes to it! Ooooh, I see the potato biryani lovers just click the unfollow button!
Dear Dennis, Biryani is a national pastime, just like arriving late. But Biryani, say Biryani lovers, comes in all flavours, just catch the variety of mixes on offer with Shan masala – Memoni, Mutton, Bombay, Pulau Biryani, and the list goes on … you, my dear fellow just don’t know that Biryani in Pakistan is like Pizza in Italy. If you don’t like Margherita, perhaps it’s the 4 cheese you needed? In all fairness, Pakistanis protest that Dennis just hasn’t had really good Biryani yet! What say you? Care to send him your best recipe?
Breakfast Anyone? Desi Style!
6. Pakistanis Don’t Date
Aah now that’s living a lie, quips Dennis! I know enough Pakistanis who slip out the moment their parents leave the scene. If you say it doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean you can wish it away. Pakistanis response to that one? Yeah, whatever! … Ummm, not getting much more out of them, so we’ll leave it at that.
7. Pakistanis Make The BEST Memes
If a guy who’s acknowledged by most cricket obsessed Pakistanis as super funny, finds us funny, oh well, that’s a compliment not to be taken ‘lightly’! Yeah, and if you’re still figuring that one out, head over to Dennis’ Twitter account and you’ll find the best (Pakola) memes there & more – guaranteed to make you laugh out loud – an instant mood lifter!
8. Pakistanis Are Stunningly Beautiful
Yes, it’s us he’s talking about. I see you smile as you read this one. Dennis is floored by the natural beauty in Pakistani faces & features – both men & women. When asked if he had a Pakistani crush, he reveals he had several. But that’s confidential & we’re not about to spill the beans on that one!
There you have it. If you’re Pakistani and you relate, tell us what else is beautifully, and unmistakable Pakistani and add to our list!
Want a 9th Reason He Loves Pakistan?
The Magic Is In The Sohan Halwa Folks!
Oh yeah, Dennis can down this one for breakfast, lunch, dinner or as a ‘Fantastic Tea Time’ snack! Ask him, and he’ll be singing praise for this Multani delight that’s ruling his heart! (Did anyone say Pakistani crush? This might be it!)
Follow Dennis Cricket here to ring in the new year with a smile!
Did he get it just about right on all things Pakistani? Hmmm…maybe, but if you serve him Biryani again, we might have a chance – but this time, make sure you get the recipe right!