Ahad in Bikhre Moti, Dr. Haris in Sabaat and Ismail Mian in RaazeUlfat – 3 men and 3 love stories.
When it comes to Pakistani dramas and their marathon run on the thappar count and talaq stories, we wonder sometimes if we are mimicking, encouraging or devising new and more (barbaric ways) at dealing with couple relationships. But this article is not about that. Let’s leave the thappars alone for a bit. Let’s not let them takeover the discussion, because we want to negate them by not throwing light upon them, right?
Let’s talk a bit about how our stories are actually transforming the way we view male stereotypes. Here’s why we need to laud our story writers for giving us men we need, men we love, men who don’t fall under your typical mould of toxic masculinity, men whom we would be proud to have in our lives as fathers, brothers, husbands and sons!
All 3 heroes from Raazeulfat, Bikhre Moti & Sabaat were the complete opposite of toxic masculinity as witnessed in past stories… ahem … Zaroon & Asher? All 3 stories gelled with the viewers.
And all 3 are loved deeply by viewers. Thank you drama writers for not only reflecting life but also giving us role models that have broken the mould for the Pakistani hero stereotype. Would you rather live with a down to earth Ismail Mian or a khudsar Zaroon?
We think you know the answer to that one!
1. Sabaat & A Husband Like Dr. Haris
First things first but Dr. Haris’s non-judgemental nature, his ability to stay calm and hold the relationship together, to BE the understanding partner (as opposed to the ever dominating husband) gives us hope. Perhaps he strayed too far in his attempts, especially when he gave up his job for Meeral, but that didn’t last too long.
Perhaps we need to go lighter on men who give in to their wives demands, be they irrational or prompted by insecurity. Girls have been brought up in our society as the ones who must compromise on their career, who must be the peacemaker in the relationship, who must be understanding and make a house a home. All that was thrown out the window as Dr. Haris showed men it can be done, and he came out a winner eventually, This is exactly what the women in our dramas have been doing since eons btw, (and we’ve been labelling them as doormats, but that’s a discussion for another day) so no harm for a man to follow in their footsteps too. What say you?
After all, wives have done it for years for their husbands, but again, (though 2 wrongs don’t make a right), and thankfully, Dr. Haris pulled back just in time to escape being just another down-trodden husband. He managed to keep his self respect intact and also win over Meeral yet again. Perhaps patience, understanding and maturity might not be such a bad thing in a husband after all?
The onus lies not only in our men and sons and brothers, for heeding the call to change, but also in our daughters, mothers and sisters to accept the change and nurture it so that men who are understanding towards their wives are looked up to, not laughed at or teased by the unforgiving maashra!
Right? Hope you get the drift!
2. Ahad in Bikhre Moti
Ahad oh Ahad, what did you not do to win over Ayeza? From accepting to take on her niece and nephews to going against his father, to conceptualizing a life with her after Zulfi, to checking in on her after she married and left – what did you not do Ahad, and still lost?
Ahad might have wanted Ayeza to leave everything and come to him, Ahad felt wronged, Ahad called her selfish, but eventually, Ahad understood. Not a single loud or insulting rant did we witness from our suffering hero. Yes, he was hurt and accused her of being khud gharz (selfish) – but we’ll cut him some slack – he is the Romeo of our story, he did lose Juliet to a (lesser?) man, and he bore it with the utmost pain, and dignity.
Men like Ahad understand when women say no. Men like Ahad are around for you as a friend even though they can’t share your life, men like Ahad watch over you even when you’re missing in action, men like Ahad are Gold. Perhaps men like Ahad are merely a work of fiction, but oh what beautiful fiction it was, and if men unlike Ahad can take on a few of his traits (if not all), this planet would become a better place.
On another note, men like Ahad deserve a happy ending, unfortunately, that was not to be. But for now, let’s just celebrate the person for his pure intentions and selfless love – a positive role model for centuries to come. Find a man like Ahad in your life ladies, and you don’t let go – heed that bit of advice, and you’ll be fine forever!
3. Ismail Mian in RaazeUlfat
Ismail Mian – where do we start? Understated dignity, dhair saara (loads) respect and a calmness and maturity that overtakes the calmest and most mature of us all.
You see, Pakistani dramas have repeatedly thrown toxic husbands at us. Suspicious, cheating, physically abusive and sometimes, down right misogynistic and egotistical. Have I used all the adjectives there were to describe Pakistani drama heroes?
Okay not all heroes, I have to admit, don’t bash me folks, I love my dramas too. I love Asher and I love Zaroon, and I love Dr. Asfi BUT Ismail Mian is made from an entirely different saancha (mould).
Ismail Mian advises with an inner confidence (asking Mushk to attend Irtiza’s wedding), he works in silent ways (arranging Amber’s wedding), he delivers calm, controlled reactions when Mushk vents her inner rage, and he also succeeds in steering her to a better place. Do not forget readers, how he requested her to wear the Valima Jora, tend to Moini, forget her personal sorrow at Amber’s engagement … and I could go on.
Men like Ismail Mian win hearts by setting examples, but not trying to change their partner. They do this by letting go of a ‘male ego’ (I wonder why this term was coined in the first place). If a male has his ego, then a female has her’s too, right?
Anyway, men like Ismail in Raazeulfat might be too good to be true, but they offer an example for other men to understand that you can walk with your wife, rather than before her, or behind her.
Do men like Ismail exist only because they have felt the pain of a first marriage, whether it was death or divorce? Or do men like Ismail exist because they are intrinsically good, regardless of their experiences?
It doesn’t matter really, men like Ismail in Raazeulfat are as Gold as Ahad & Dr. Haris and we need more of all 3 in our maashra.
Let’s hope the ‘reel’ life heroes spill into our ‘real’ lives and make the world a better place – for now, we celebrate our onscreen heroes and dream on!
Sabaat & Bikhre Moti have ended but Raazeulfat is still running. Watch pervious episodes to catch the story in case you missed it!
I am going to defend Asher.. He never slapped nor divorced his wife.. He very much loved her and he was heartbroken too.. But he didn’t send her divorce papers.. He wanted to talk to her but his mother’s schemes didn’t let him.. Ismail miyan and Dr. Haris were not deceived like Asher was by his mother.. And Asher even without knowing that Khirad was innocent said to her that i will never ask you about the past i will forgive you so come back.. I don’t think that was a toxic character.. He was a victim too.. He was betrayed too and more than Khirad.. His mother and childhood bestfriend betrayed him.. So please don’t put Asher in that list of stereotypes.. Humsafar was not a stereotype..